Partner: A Series of Conveniently Placed Idiotic Events

For the ones who don't like to read, the title of the post should be enough to understand how the movie would have been. The title has been borrowed from one of my friend's remark on the movie, which completely fits in reference to this movie.

As everyone knows by now that the movie is inspired by Will Smith starer Hitch, except for some sequences, which are as irrelevant to the story as the movie itself, like the missile sequence, Characters Chhota Don (Rajpal Yadav) and Rana From Hariyana (Puneet Issar) and some songs to show Govinda's amazingly funny dance moves.

Since everyone already knows about the script, I would take you through some of the scenes from this latest venture of David Dhawan. When Priya (Katrina Kaif) calls up Bhaskar Diwakar Chaudhary (Graduate from IIMA, 1991 batch and still earning 30,000Rs per month, played by Govinda) for the first time. You have to watch the excitement on Govinda's face and his body language. The scene followed by this is equally funny and Govinda steals the show again. The most funny scene of the movie would be the scene where brides father tells the groom "Sorry, Peter" after calling off the marriage. I wanted to see the expressions on Peter's face.

This movie can truly be called Govinda's comeback film, he has done a brilliant job. He is still one of the best comedians and dancers in bollywood. Katrina Kaif has nothing to do except for looking good, thankfully she has not been given many dialogues. Lara Datta is ok and Salman Khan is being stupid in the entire film. Rajpal Yadav, Suresh Menon are able to make you laugh. Music of the movie is quite decent. Background score played while Rajpal Yadav is on the screen is funny. Editor should have used his scissors a bit more.

Overall I would rate this movie as 3 out of ten. 2 points for Govinda and 1 for two beautiful faces (Katrina and Lara). Except for these two, nothing else is worth mentioning.

Nobel Prize for Movies

Nobel Prize for Medicine: This should go to movie Diya aur Toofan, for showing the world about the behavioral changes caused by a brain transplant. Yes, you have read it correctly, in the movie when Mithun is killed by villains, his brain is transplanted into Madhu and she starts thinking like Mithun. She even gets the physical strength to fight the bad guys after the transplant. How?

Nobel Prize for Peace: This one should go to Bill Gates without a doubt. If it wasn't for Bill Gates and Microsoft, we wouldn't be alive. In movie Independence Day if Alien's mother ship was running on some operating system other than windows, how would our heroes could plant a virus in it and save the world.

Nobel Prize for Literature: This has gone to Ramsey Brothers for writing amazing scripts like Purana Mandir, Purani Haveli, Veerana, Samri and many more. They have left behind our Bhojpuri filmmakers with a close margins. Bhojpuri films were nominated in this category for thinking of the innovative names like "Panditji Batai Na Biyah Kab Hoyee", "Sasura Bada Paisewala", "Tohar Bhoujai Humar Lugai" and many more.

Nobel Prize for Economics: This would go to none other than Arindam Chaudhary for proving his super flop movie Rok Sako to Rok Lo hit on paper. I have to understand this great theory from him, using which he managed to do so. If there was a Noble prize for marketing, it would also have been grabbed by him only for the brilliant marketing done for his amazingly beautiful and inspirational movie Rok Sako To Rok Lo.

Nobel Prize for Physics: Nobel academy is grateful to award this to superstar Rajnikant for proving all the Newton's Laws wrong. There were a lot many nominations from across the world in this category including Mithunda for his various movies, Ice Cube for XXX2, but none stood a chance against Rajni-the boss.

Nobel Prize for Chemistry: goes to Evolution, for giving the idea of using a particular anti-dandruff shampoo against those large creepy creatures. They used some weird logic to get to this inference using positions of various materials in periodic table. No wonder, finally it worked and the world was saved.

So these are my choices for Nobel Prize in various categories. Please send in last year's (2006) nominations. Please send in your nominations in different categories justifying the reason for nominations.

Naqaab: Most Shocking Movie of the Year

The movie is being promoted as the most shocking thriller of the year, well I wont comment on the thriller part, still it's the most shocking movie of the year. I think the real intention behind making any commercial movie is to earn money. Then why would someone make a movie that can only be enjoyed by either people with very high i.q. (it requires good memory to remember all the twists and turns in the movie, there are so many of them and specially in the second half) or people with very low i.q. (they will not bother about remembering the twists and be happy in watching gorgeous Urvashi Sharma).

Since I have mentioned Urvashi Sharma, lets talk about her first. She is good looking (I love her since something something) and knows how to act. It's her first movie, and have heard that she has already signed an eight film contract with some film company. I guess by the time these eight movies are made, she would be a fine actress. In this movie she has played the character of Sophia D'costa who is engaged to multimillionaire Karan Oberoi (Bobby Deol). Sophia meets Vicky (Akshaye Khanna) and falls in love with her. You are being shown camera shots during regular intervals throughout the first half. Second half is all about tying the loose ends followed by multiple twists and turns. I have lost count of how many times story changed it's course in the second half.

Akshaye Khanna is good and the only actor in the movie, who manages to play his part well. Bobby Deol has proved again, that he can not act. Vikas Kalantri is the worst, if he was to be in the movie, he shouldn't be given any dialogues. His dialogue delivery is third grade. There is nothing to do for other characters in the movie. Background music is good and goes well with the thriller genre. There are only two songs in the movie "Ek din teri bahon me", is the one you would want to hear again. Abbas Mastan should know that their style of movie making is outdated now and should change. Why is this affection with Bobby Deol, drop him from all your future projects, please. Take some newcomer, probably you could provide a new Shahrukh Khan to the industry.

The movie is average and would rate this as 5 out of 10. In the end, I enjoyed Aap Kaa Surroor more than this one. Either the movie should be good or bad, average movies don't entertain me much.

Shiva Gang: Watching Bad Films

Shiva gang is a group of four friends including myself, who love to watch movies and can watch any movie, no matter how bad the movie is. While watching Shiva, we realized that we can turn any movie into a laugh riot and enjoy every bit of it that is why we have named this group as Shiva Gang. You can imagine how bad the movie (Shiva) would have been, when director/producer of the movie has publicly announced that the actor of the movie is his worst mistake ever.

We feel that there are elements of humor hidden in every film. These elements are not put in there deliberately, but when something goes wrong it always results into something good (sometimes people don't notice it and sometimes they do). Since we are talking about movies, let me take you through one such scene from Shiva and notice the humor element.

In movie Shiva, there is an international gangster named Katni (probably he was born in Katni, MP or may be he was named so because he used to cut some body part of the person he is angry at) is called from Malaysia to kill Shiva. The next scene is shown a guy, who is really dark (has used cherry blossom on his face to keep the shine), and hardly 5 feet tall. He is standing in small fishing boat, which drops him at Mumbai (probably he is so poor that he can not afford the flight cost, I really pity the two guys maneuvering the boat). In next scene, this short guy cuts the nose of a six feet tall guy, because he said that Katni does not stand a chance in front of Shiva (may be he was trying to say that he will cut Shiva's nose in same fashion and this was his way of communicating, since he hasn't spoken a single word in the entire movie).

Next scene is the most hilarious fight sequence I have ever scene (this one beats Jakie Chan movies). Shiva and his girlfriend are visiting a shopping mall and Katni attacks Shiva, hiding between the clothes hanged for display. Words can not describe the whole sequence. But another interesting part of the whole sequence is that the Heroine never leaves Shiva's hand while he is fighting Katni with his other hand (May be she was also paid by the villain to do so).

to be continued...

Shiva gang strikes again.

Don't get me wrong, I am not talking about some college boys trying to bring a revolution or a lone policeman trying to set this world free from corruption. I am talking about a gang of four friends who are there to start a revolution in bollywood. They go for the worst of the movies together and enjoy them to the fullest. They are there to teach the public, how to enjoy movies like Apne. Yes, you guessed it right yesterday four of us went for Apne together. Guess what, it was a laugh riot, not because the movie was funny, it was supposedly the most serious movie released this year so far. We were laughing because, when Shiva gang is there to watch a movie, no matter how bad it is, we enjoy. Shiva gang rocks. We are planning to watch Makadmanav (Bhojpuri version of Spiderman)next.

Oh, I think I got carried away. Right now my aim here is to let you guys know about my experience of watching Apne. So I will hit straight to the point. Well what do you expect when a bunch of worst of the actors from bollywood (Bobby Deol leading the bandwagn along with Aryan Vaid (why don't they put him in Madam Tussad's), Katrina Kaif(though I don't have any problem with her, she is beautiful ;))) and some not so bad actors (Sunny Deol (when he is angry, he is the best), Shilpa Shetty) and some good actors (Dharmendra, Kiron Kher) are put together to act in a movie with a script, which could have been good, a decent screenplay (climax and ending of the movie is really bad), which has the worst of the cinematography (what with all the close up shots whenever there is an emotional scene).

The movie could have been better if the song apne to apne hote hain and Bobby Deol were not there. Bobby Deol should have worked on his body if he knew he is going to play a boxer. The movie reminds you of Rocky (all six parts), Cinderella Man, Million Dollar Baby and Boxer (Starring Mithun da) in bits and pieces. But it's nowhere near any of these movies except Mithun da starrer Boxer. One more thing I didn't understand is why there always has to be cheating in a bollywood sports flick.

Well clearly this movie does not deserves passing marks, so I decide not to give any couse I don't know what Deol family of boxers will do to me. So I decide not to rate this one.

Go Extreme: Suroonnooonnnonooor

Some days back, I read somewhere, 10 things to do before you turn 30. Go extreme was one of them. So I tried going extreme tonight. I arranged one red baseball cap, wore a lose jeans and a jacket. I with one of my friend left for nearest multiplex on a bike. Since we were in hurry, on the way we brushed with a best bus and I had to sacrifice my jeans. But finally we managed to reach the multiplex on time. We asked the person at ticket counter, two tickets, Aap Kaa Suroor, current show. People around the ticket counter were looking at us with curiosity. We looked like die hard Himesh Reshamia fan from our get up but our discussion suggested otherwise. I had full confidence on Himesh Reshamia's acting talent. I knew none of the actors could have performed well. I did never heard of the director of this movie before. I am not a fan of Himesh Reshamia's singing either. But this was the way of going extreme for myself and my anonymous friend (will not name him to save the embarrassment for him).

When we entered the theater, we were surprised to see almost 10-15 people in the theater (We were expecting a lot less than that). The movie started showing German police pulling dead body of a white girl from water. Suddenly we were told that she was a journalist Nadia Merchant, daughter of ex-cop Firoz Merchant (Raj Babbar). Believe me, she did not look like Raj Babbar's daughter from any angle. Raj Babbar has probably mistaken someone else's daughter as his own (may be his wife had some extramarital affair). This is quite possible considering the kind of fool he has been shown in the movie. He actually goes to prison to beat Himesh to death and unwillingly end up helping him run away from prison. I was hoping "Escape from Alcatraz", but it turned out to be "Escape from Tihad".

Himesh Reshamia is no less than Krrish. Like Krrish, he has also got many superpowers, like he can predict future (he knows something is going to go wrong since the begining), he has such a good sense of sound that he actually manages to open one custom made safe using the same, and last but not the least suroor. Using his suroor superpower he manages to call some Mumbai rickshaws to Germany to help him escape from police custody. Using the same superpower he manages to set one of the cars he was chasing to fire. And I think it was the same superpower that prompted the father of the bride to watch TV during feras. Well Himesh seems to be greater superhero than Krrish. Why don't Rakesh Roshan and Himesh jointly release a combined sequel to both the films having two superheroes?

Mallika Sherawat has done the best job in acting department among all the actors in the movie. Now you can imagine how badly everyone has acted. While watching initial credits I noticed 6 choreographers have been used in the movie. I think 4 of them were used only to choreograph Himesh's every movement. His every movement looked so fake that if you actually notice it, you will not stop laughing throughout the movie.
Only thing to talk about in the costume department is various caps worn by Himesh. No body can count the no of caps he has worn in the movie or the no of times he has changed his cap. Well in next season of KBC, this could very well be the one crore rs question, and I am sure no body will be able to answer it. (considering whoever watches this movie more than once will not survive). Himesh Reshamia is the hero with worst physic in recent times. You can clearly see his tummy dying to come out from the tight t-shirts he is wearing. It's really difficult to believe how Himesh delivers all the dialogues without any expression coming to his face. This could be because of one of his many superpowers. It's really remarkable.

I read in one of the review of this movie, that you should respect Himesh's confidence. Well, let me tell that particular reviewer that this is not confidence, we have another word in the dictionary and that is overconfidence. In future if I had to write an example of overconfidence somewhere, i would definitely write, Himesh Reshamia making Aap Kaa Suroor-The Moviee: The Real Luv Story. Himesh, do you think Indian movie goers are so dumb that they will believe the crap shown in the movie to be real. Himesh Reshamia should actually be charged with fraud, for claiming such story to be real. There is one good news for roadies lovers, Bani is there in the movie.

Somewhere in the middle of the movie it is told that, Himesh has lost his smile after his brother's death. Well I have also lost my smile after watching the movie. May some girl like Ria come in my life also to teach me how to smile again.

Well, this movie is beyond any rating and I would not insult the movie by rating it out of 10. I would actually rate it 1 out of 100000000000. Sorry Himesh, that's the best your movie deserves.

Awarapan: Nice Effort

I chose to watch this movie, because I didn't want to go for Aap Kaa Suroor (not a Himesh Reshamia fan) or Apne (It's difficult to see watch one Deol, how can one watch three of them together). After watching the movie, I realized, it wasn't really a bad decision. The movie is not very great but it is not bad either. Both the actresses are looking gorgeous, specially Shreya Saran. But to everyone's disappointment, Emran Hashmi does not kiss any of the two in the movie.

The movie starts with a scene showing some girls being traded in Hongcong. After the opening scene movie takes one year leap and (Shivam)Emran Hashmi is shown releasing som pigeons from a cage. Some sequence of events reveal that he is working for Bharat Malick (Ashutosh Rana) and is incharge of one of the various hotels owned by him. Bharat's brother Rajan (Ashish Vidyarthi), nephew Munna (Purab Kohli) and son Ronnie don't really like Shivam and the kind of reputation he shares with Bharat. He actually gets Munna arrested for a murder committed in his hotel. Bharat asks Shivam to follow his mistress Reema (Mrinalini Sharma) and find out if there is anyone else in her life. Reema reminds Shivam of his lost love played by beautiful Mrinalini Sharma (has been shown through flashback).

Soon Shivam finds out that there is someone else in Reema's life, Bilal (her love interest, before she was abducted from Pakistan). Bharat tells Shivam to kill her, but he could not do so. He decides to reunite Reema and Bilal. There is his best friend Kabeer also, playing an important part in the story. To know what happens next, you should watch the movie. There are some twists, which should not be revealed here.

I am really impressed with director Mohit Suri, he is learning with each of his movie. The most important thing he has learnt is using his actors efficiently. He found out through his past three movies that, Emran Hashmi is bad at dialogue delivery and he has given him very few dialogues. Emran Hashmi has also learnt some new expressions. All the characters have played their part well, except Bilal and Kabeer. The script is good and is inspired by a Korean film. In first half you will see some elements of Koyla (this one is far better than Koyala). The music across the border is good and there is one bhajan also in the movie, you will not know until you watch the video. Overall, the movie is decent and can be watched once. I would rate this movie 6 out of 10.

Die Hard 4.0: John Mcclane does it again

I am a die hard fan of Die Hard. I like to watch action films when I want don't want to use much of my brains and just enjoy the fast pace action. Die Hard 4.0 fits to that criteria. It's fun, it's fast pace, it's full of explosions and bullets and above all it's full of John Mcclane. Bruce Willis has proved that he might be getting old but he can still wear John Mcclane's shoes.

This time John Mcclane is not saving a building or a city, he is there to save a country and obviously there has to be his family involved in the middle of all this. This time it's his daughter, who is in the middle off all this.

A group of hackers have started taking control of USA's services and they are creating chaos in the country. John has been given the job to pick a hacker Farrel and deliver him to FBI. As soon as John reaches to Farrel's place, some people try to kill him. Now John along with Farrel tries to stop the bad guys.

Bruce Willis is aging and he knows it. His role has been written keeping his age in mind. Now he feels the pain and gets kicked by a girl. He is old school "a Timex watch in a digital world", but he survives the computer warfare. Other actors have also done fair job. Maggie Q is the sexiest hacker I have ever seen, she looks great throughout the movie. I wish there was more of her in the movie. Actions scenes have been shot brilliantly, but they are overdone sometimes like the f-18 scene.

Let me remind you all once again that it's a die hard movie and you are not allowed to use your brains during the movie, if you want to enjoy it. If you want to enjoy the movie, don't ask questions. Just use your eyes to see the fast pace action and use your ears to listen to the classic jokes of Mcclane. I am sure If you use only these two senses of yours, you will definitely enjoy the movie. I would give it 8 out of 10.