SmokerJoe Doesn't Smoke. Part 7: Recovery

"Recovery: the regaining of something lost or taken away."



I was smoking again. I was buying cigarette and smoking every time I went out for tea. I was no longer thinking or feeling guilty before lighting a cigarette. I in fact bought a packet again. When I took the first cigarette of the first packet I bought in months, it got me thinking again.



I thought, who was I fooling. Was it wise to let go of something, that I have achieved with so much effort. Something which is so difficult to achieve that I have seen many attempting but only few succeeding. I could not deprive myself of this achievement because of someone else. I respected myself a lot, a lot more than I cared for anybody else, for that to happen.



It was my respect for myself, which did not allow me to insult the effort put in by me in achieving the non-smoker status. How can I expect someone else to respect me when don't respect myself. Lakh take ki baat hai, gaanth baandh lo.



After the above thought I did not light anymore cigarettes from that packet I bought and so far that is the last packet of cigarette I have bought.

SmokerJoe Doesn't Smoke. Part 6: Relapse

"Relapse: To fall or slide back into a former state."



Remember what triggered my decision to quit smoking? Well let me save the effort of going back and reading the part 1, it was because I did not want someone to hate me. Almost 5 months as a non-smoker, I realized that whatever I did could not prevent that person from hating me. Suddenly the reason for quitting smoking was no more. I was wandering alone in the streets of a town unknown to me, thinking about everything. Playing back every concerned event in my head. Every shop selling cigarettes again started to tempt me. Every time I passed a tea shop, I wanted to have tea and smoke as I used to do.



After struggling for few hours after the revelation, I gave up. I stopped at the next shop and bought two Classic Milds. I did not like the taste of it when I smoked the first one. It felt like I was smoking wood. It did not stop me from lighting the second one. I smoked the next one with much more ease and did not dislike the taste of it.



Next day morning I woke up and smoked my first cigarette of the day with morning tea and then every tea I had that day was accompanied by a cigarette, like it used to be. I was returning back to my old smoking ways.

Toofanon Se Jahan Nahi Badle Jaate

"Hawa tej chalta hai Dinkar Rao; topi sambhalo." was the dialog in my head when I first heard about so many youth pledging their support to Anna Hazare's anti-corruption campaign. Whosoever has seen Agnipath doesn't need to be told, what happens after that. Dinkar Rao is ousted at once by the tej hawa, but the change was short lived. I am sure if the movie continued for few more minutes we would have seen that not much changed in that village, except for faces. The reason to me looked very simple. Toofanon se jahan nahi badle jaate, uske liye barson tak ek disha me hawa bahni chahiye; because change caused by storm is destructive and short lived, because after the destruction normally the tendency to restore the original rather than re-invent. However constant effort in same direction will bring the change, which will be long lived and acceptable.


Call me whatever you may, I am just referring to something which was taught me in school. "karat karat abhyas ke jadmati hot sujaan, rasari awat jaat se sil par parat nishan." Which means, with constant effort even the biggest assholes can turn into gentlemen just like with repeated friction against the stone even a fragile rope can make a mark on the stone.


So the celebrations are premature. We need consistent effort in the desired direction and that can start any level. The important thing is, it should not stop till you start seeing markings on the stone.