Agent Vinod: An Incompetent Secret Agent Surviving on Coincidences

Who are not able to gather how the film would be from the title of this post, just imagine Pink Panther without the comedy part. Like Inspector Clouseau, Agent Vinod is incompetent. What else you can say about a secret agent who is never aware of his surroundings. He get so engaged secretly listening to a conversation that he doesn't even realise that someone can come from behind and hit him on the head. Almost every time he manages to escape alive is because of shear coincidences. For the first time I have seen a serious secret agent believing on everyone he meets despite being betrayed on many occasions. I think it would be unfair to Vinod to corner him like this when the head of his agency is stupid enough to make a call to ISI head and asks him point blank, if he is involved in the ongoing crisis and even lets Pakistani High Commissioner inside the control room of RAW. Wish international espionage was so simple. Rather than trying to figure out what is going on, just call the people you suspect and ask them direct questions. 

Movie starts with Agent Vinod being caught because of his incompetence in the middle of an operation inside some factory in Pakistan. He shows his smoothness by exposing his fellow agent to his captors and then saves himself and his partner by sheer coincidence because his captors are equally or even more incompetent. Then the same thing repeats in different cities on different parts of the world. This somewhere involves some shady stereotype characters and a nuclear bomb. In this process he meets his Pakistani counterpart Iram and they fall in love, because that's what secret agents of two warring nations do. 

Saif Ali Khan is smooth and is able to pull off the desi bond tag, at this moment I cannot think of anyone else who could suit this tag better than him. Unfortunately he does not have the script to back him up. Since the movie was not about exploring acting talent of the cast, lets avoid discussing that. The movie takes you on a world tour making you wander if RAW agent Vinod doubled as a travel agent. There is not all bad about the movie though. There is one action scene shot is a restaurant in continuous shot with single camera, which is truly remarkable. 

First Day in Pune (Summer of 2004)

During the summers of 2004, I was in Pune for my summer internship in Forbes Marshall, Kasarwadi. I was new in Pune and was staying at Kothrud with some of my seniors from IIT. I checked with one of my seniors, whom we used to call uncle, the way to reach Kasarwadi. Uncle told me that I would get a bus from the nearest bus stop to Corporation and from Corporation I can get bus to any place. 

Next day morning I was at the nearest bus stop waiting for the bus that would take me to the corporation. There were some people waiting at bus stop so I decided to ask them if there were any direct bus to my destination Kasarwadi. I asked one bystander, which bus would take me to Kasarwadi. He responded, "Nigadi jayegi". I did not understand what he meant. I thought Nigadi must be some word in marathi. I checked with some other people and they all gave me same response. So I decided to walk to next bus stop. People at the next bus stop also told me the same. I thus walked to the 5th bus stop from Kothrud and checked with people standing there. This person again told me, "Nigadi jayegi." I couldn't stop but ask him, "yahan bus ke number nahi hote kya?" This guy somehow understood my problem and told me that he is going to the same direction and I can accompany him. So I decided to follow him.

The person from the bus stop climed the next bus and I followed. He asked for the ticket to Manapa and I did the same. The bus finally stopped at Manapa and the person got off the bus and I climbed down with him. The guy asked me to get a ticket for Kasarwadi from the ticket counter. After getting the ticket I got in the bus and I noticed that Nigadi is a place and not a Marathi word and all those people were at those bus stops were trying to tell me that the buses going to Nigadi will pass through Kasarwadi. On my way to Kasarwadi I was looking out of the bus and I noticed at one particular place on a wall just above a window Khadaki was written and I told myself, "kitne pagal log hain, khidaki ko khadaki likh rakha hai." 

Finally I noticed Forbes Marshall office and got off the bus. In the evening I had to come back to Kothrud and the helping stranger from morning was obviously not there. So I decided to follow the same path back. I waited for a bus and got on the first bus I got. In the bus I asked the conductor to give me a ticket to Manapa. I gave him the money and he gave me the ticket. Then another person who climbed the bus with me asked for a ticket to Corporation. That reminded me what uncle said previous morning. So I asked the conductor to give me a ticket to Corporation instead of Manapa. The conductor looked at me and told me, "same hi hai." I thought may be the cost of ticket to Manapa and Corporation is same. In the bus I noticed some people buying tickets for Khadaki also. Finally the bus stopped at Manapa and everyone got out. I realised that this is the last stop and this will probably not go to Corporation, so I got down. The moment I got off the bus I looked up and noticed a big bright red sign board Pune Municipal CORPORATION, MAha NAgar PAlika.

That day I learned three things Nigadi is name of a place, Corporation and Manapa are same and Khadaki is not a spelling mistake.

Roadies Audition

Ranvijay: Naam kya hai tumhara?

XYZ: xyz.

Ranvijay: Matlab.

XYZ: Sir, main variable hun. 

Rajiv: Matlab kya hai tumhara. Ye tumhara real name hai?

XYZ: Nahi sir. Pahle mera naam kuchh aur tha. Fir maine maths mein padha ki xyz ko jis bhi equation mein daal do unki value equation ke hisab se badal jaati hai. Mujhe laga main bhi waisa hi hun. Situation ke hisab se badal jata hun. Isliye maine apna naam change kar diya xyz.

Raghu: Tu Roadie kyon banna chahta hai?

XYZ: Kyonki main ban sakta hun.

Rajiv: Tujhe aisa kyon lagta hai ki tu Roadie ban sakta hun?

XYZ: Kyonki main variable hun. Main kuchh bhi ban sakta hun. Roadie bhi.

Raghu: Tujhe pata hai Roadies mein kaisi situations hoti hain?

XYZ: Sir, variable ko kabhi faraq nahi padta use kisi bhi equation mein daal do.

Ranvijay: Ok. Prove us, you are what you say you are. A variable.

XYZ: Aapko kya lagta hai, main abhi tak kya kar raha tha?